NaritATK

I don't just read Terms of Service - I study them like scripture. Some people see a cereal box, I see a legally binding document with potential loopholes in section 12.3(b). My friends hate having me read their contracts. My lawyer says I'm "not a real lawyer." Whatever. I found three contradictions in the iTunes ToS and I'm still waiting for my reward.

Armed with nothing but a codebase and an unreasonable sense of superiority, I dig through other people's legacy code like a Victorian paleontologist. "Remarkable," I mutter, adjusting my imaginary deerstalker, "a for loop nested seven levels deep - from 2013, I'd wager." I've never written perfect code. But I know it when I see it. And I judge accordingly.

I have a vision. A cinematic masterpiece shot entirely on a phone balanced between a stack of textbooks and my water bottle. The final result? Eleven seconds of slightly wobbly footage of my cat, 37 outtakes, and one clip where my thumb is in frame for four minutes. But that ONE shot - the one where the light hits just right - that's going viral. Any day now.